A dip into The "Quotation Mark" Abuse Pool at Flickr suggests that the spread of inappropriate quotation marks has reached "epidemic proportions." There, among the hundreds of bizarre quotables contributed by viewers, you'll find snapshots of these odd gems:
- Staff Wanted--Please "Ask"
- We are here to "repair" your phones
- "Quality" Nuts & Fruits
- "Your" car will be "towed!"
- Please do not "husk" the corn
- "Hot" pork "sandwiches"
- "Flashers" must be on (a street sign)
- "Cars Parked" at Owner's Risk
The guidelines for using quotation marks are really quite simple, if not always entirely logical. True, if you're heading off for Britain, you should be prepared to check your quotes (or rather inverted commas) at customs: the Brits favor single quotes over double, and they generally prefer to park commas outside rather than inside the closing mark.
But the issue is not punctuation and multiculturalism. (In fact, several of the examples at the Flickr site are in German.) It's the proliferation of quotation marks in some of the most unexpected places.
Consider, for instance, this sign found taped above an office water fountain: "This is 'NOT' a garbage disposal!"
Misquoting for emphasis is a common form of abuse. Here, apparently, full caps and an exclamation mark weren't forceful enough to discourage co-workers from dumping coffee grinds into the water cooler. We're guessing that the quotes around "NOT" marked an effort to turn a shout into a scream.
More peculiar are the quotation marks in this automated e-mail reply from a comparison-shopping site: "Just responding to let you know that a 'human' reads each and every comment to BizRate.com!"
We're left to wonder if a quoted "human" is any more or less human than an unquoted one. This usage calls to mind a rather creepy sign found on a supermarket service counter: "If you need help finding something, one of our 'friendly' associates will be happy to help you."
Profound suspicions are raised by such wayward quotations. Like this skeptical sign at the mall: "Have your picture taken with 'Santa.'"
But of all the forms of quotation mark abuse, surely the worst is the sarcastic or downright derisive quote. The leering or homophobic quotes around "the close friend" of a well-known actor; the sneering quotes around "liberal" or "highly educated"; the snotty quotes around just about any cliche--quotes that say, in effect, "I'm way too smart to be using cliches--and way too lazy to say anything original."
Now please don't "quote me" on this, but you could help stamp out "quote abuse" in "our fair land": stick to our trusty guidelines for using quotation marks.
