Congratulations to the Financial Services team at McGill University in Montreal for snagging a 2008 Golden Bull award for this prize specimen of gobbledygook:
Our collective success rests with our commitment to service excellence and ongoing process improvement. As such, there will be an increased focus in two pivotal areas, namely: Systems Infrastructure & Communications and Controls & Compliance. This new structure will positively impact the delivery of day-to-day functions for our students and professors thanks to the continuous improvement cycle that will be generated by the new structure. This cycle will inherently deliver an incessant flow of process and systems assessment, improvement, and communication with the related development, distribution, and implementation of necessary tools, education, and support. This will in turn maximize user comprehension and increase overall efficiency.Remarkably, if we substitute "customers" for "students and professors," this hive of buzzwords could be imported into almost any organization's mission statement without any loss (or gain) in meaning.
Golden Bulls are dispensed annually by the Plain English Campaign, an organization quartered in England but with members in more than 80 countries. Describing itself as "an independent pressure group fighting for public information to be written in plain English," the Campaign presents awards for what it considers the best and worst examples of English.
Here are two more deserving recipients of 2008 Golden Bulls:
- Our goal at Balfour Beatty is to deliver consistent, long-term growth to our shareholders. We do this by striving to remain or become the leading provider of high-quality, customer critical infrastructure in each of our markets. By becoming the partner of choice to sophisticated owners in our chosen disciplines and geographies, we believe we will achieve secure, industry best margins in our contracting activities and substantial, sustainable equity returns from our long-term investment portfolio.
(in a letter from the Chief Executive of Balfour Beatty, a "world-class engineering, construction, services and investment business" in London) - Thank you for your Tax Returns ended 5th April 2006 & 2007 which we received on 20th December. I will treat your Tax Return for all purposes as though you sent it in response to a notice from us which required you to deliver it to us by the day we received it.
(in a letter to a customer from HM Revenue & Customs--Britain's tax collectors)
In addition to bestowing Golden Bulls, the group hands out an annual Foot in Mouth award "for a baffling quote from a public figure." This year President George W. Bush was honored for his contributions to gobbledygook with a Foot in Mouth Lifetime Achievement Award . As the president once remarked at a campaign rally in Oregon, "I hope you leave here and walk out and say, 'What did he say?'"
Wisely, the Campaign also calls attention to instances of clear and concise communications. Awards go to journalists, government officials, and web designers who have "successfully and passionately . . . fought gobbledygook." You'll find all the award winners for 2008 in this press release from the Campaign for Plain English.
More About Gobbledygook, Hogwash, and Balderdash:
Image: Logo of the Plain English Campaign
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