Use who when a sentence requires a subject pronoun (equivalent to he or she). In formal English, use whom when a sentence requires an object pronoun (equivalent to him or her). Contemporary usage, however, increasingly favors the use of who in both cases.
See also:
Examples:
"A circus is like a mother in whom one can confide and who rewards and punishes." (Burt Lancaster)
Corrections:
- "English department: from page 3, July 19: 'The academic--whom authorities have long believed was connected to the group--was seized on Wednesday . . ..' That should be who, not whom."
(Corrections and Clarifications, The Guardian, July 2, 2002) - "When Thomas Hardy wrote 'Who are you speaking of?' (Far from the Madding Crowd, p. 70), the OED called it 'a grammatical error,' and then changed its mind in 1923, when The Oxford Shorter Dictionary noted "Whom is no longer current in natural colloquial speech.'"
(Jim Quinn, American Tongue and Cheek, Pantheon Books, 1980)
Usage Notes:
- It is . . . not surprising that writers from Shakespeare onward should often have interchanged who and whom. And though the distinction shows no signs of disappearing in formal style, strict adherence to the rules in informal discourse might be taken as evidence that the speaker or writer is paying undue attention to the form of what is said, possibly at the expense of its substance. In speech and informal writing who tends to predominate over whom; a sentence such as Who did John say he was going to support? will be regarded as quite natural, if strictly incorrect. By contrast, the use of whom where who would be required, as in Whom shall I say is calling? may be thought to betray a certain linguistic insecurity. When the relative pronoun stands for the object of a preposition that ends a sentence, whom is technically the correct form: the strict grammarian will insist on Whom (not who) did you give it to? But grammarians since Noah Webster have argued that the excessive formality of whom in these cases is at odds with the relative informality associated with the practice of placing the preposition in final position and that the use of who in these cases should be regarded as entirely acceptable."
("who," The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, 3rd edition, 1992) - "Strictly speaking, it is correct to use who as the subject of a verb and whom as the object, e.g. 'Who saw you?' but 'Whom did you see?' It is also strictly right to use whom after a preposition, as in 'To whom were you talking just now?' In practice, few people follow this rule; most use who all the time, and a sentence like 'To whom were you talking?' can sound too formal."
("Who or Whom?" AskOxford.com, 2008) - "Whom is a word invented to make everyone sound like a butler. Nobody who is not a butler has ever said it out loud without feeling just a little bit weird."
(Calvin Trillin) - "Use of whom has all but disappeared from spoken English, and seems to be going the same way in most forms of written English too. If you are not sure, it is much better to use who when whom would traditionally have been required than to use whom incorrectly for who, which will make you look not just wrong but wrong and pompous."
(David Marsh, Guardian Style, Guardian Books, 2007) - "Our evidence shows that present-day uses of who and whom are in kind just about the same as they were in Shakespeare's day. What sets us apart from Shakespeare is greater self-consciousness; the 18th-century grammarians have intervened and given a reason to watch our whos and whoms. . . . All that remains to be said is that objective who and nominative whom are much less commonly met in print than nominative who and objective whom. In speech you rarely need to worry about either one. In writing, however, you may choose to be a but more punctilious, unless you are writing loose and easy, speechlike prose. Our files show that objective whom is in no danger of extinction, at least in writing."
("who, whom," Merriam-Webster's Concise Dictionary of English Usage, 2002)
Practice:
(a) Any man ______ hates dogs and babies can't be all bad.
(b) It's human nature to want to protect the speech of people with ______ we agree.
