The following draft was composed according to the guidelines in Preparing an Argument. After reading the draft carefully, respond to the discussion questions at the end. Then compare "Time for a New National Anthem" with the revised version of the essay, "Time for an Anthem the Country Can Sing."
Time for a New National Anthem
(A Draft Argumentative Essay)
Francis Scott Key was a Washington lawyer who witnessed the bombardment of Fort McHenry by the British in September 1814. The fort withstood the attack, and the sight of the American flag still waving "in dawn's early light" inspired Key to write the four verses of "The Star-Spangled Banner." He set the words to the tune of an 18th-century English drinking song. Over a century later, on March 3, 1931, an act of Congress designated "The Star-Spangled Banner" as our national anthem. Ever since then, people have been complaining about both the words and the music of the anthem. Some are bothered that the first stanza ends in a question. Others are troubled by all the depressing references to war, such as "Their blood has washed out their foul footsteps' pollution." A lot of people don't even know what the lyrics are about. On top of that, the song is very difficult to sing. The low notes are too low, and the high notes are too high. For all these reasons, people have recently been talking about replacing "The Star-Spangled Banner" with a new national anthem. Many songs have been considered, but the best choice is "America the Beautiful."
"America the Beautiful" would make an excellent national anthem. Already it is very popular in our ball parks, school assemblies, and official state functions. The music is simple, dignified, and easy to sing. The lyrics celebrate our heroes, our future, and our land. The song expresses pride in America, but it is not warlike. It is idealistic, like the American people themselves.
Certainly "America the Beautiful" is more popular than "The Star-Spangled Banner." "The Star-Spangled Banner" is hard even for professional singers to sing. It has a range of 12 notes, three more than "America the Beautiful." No matter what key it starts in, it ends up going too high or too low for most people. The lyrics are all about war, and they are very confusing in places. For example, I doubt if anyone knows what these lines mean:
No refuge could save the hireling and slaveAnd does anybody really believe that red rockets and bursting bombs express the true spirit of America?
From the terror of flight or the gloom of the grave.
Other songs have been suggested as replacements for "The Star-Spangled Banner," but clearly "America the Beautiful" is the best choice. There is "The Battle Hymn of the Republic," but that is also all about war, and "The Stars and Stripes Forever" doesn't have any lyrics to accompany it. I suppose "My Country 'Tis of Thee" is nice enough, but the British have already used the tune for their national anthem. Some people would like to see a more modern song adopted, such as "Born in the U.S.A." by Bruce Springsteen. But can you imagine what it would be like to start a ballgame with the line, "You end up like a dog that's been beat too much"!
Evaluating the Draft
- The introductory paragraph of "Time for a New National Anthem' is rather long. Which details in the introduction do you think should be moved to a body paragraph or eliminated altogether?
- Based on your reading of the rest of the draft, revise the introduction to "Time for a New National Anthem." Feel free to delete unnecessary details and add information that you think is important.
- Are you satisfied that the author of "Time for a New National Anthem" has arranged the body paragraphs clearly and logically? Briefly explain your response.
- Provide an overall evaluation of this draft by responding to the following questions:
- Is the argument convincing?
- Are the main points adequately supported?
- Does the conclusion emphasize the writer's central idea?
- Compare this draft with the revised version, retitled "Time for an Anthem the Country Can Sing." Identify some of the numerous changes that have been made in the revision, and consider in what particular ways the essay has been improved as a result.
