The Campaign to Abolish the Apostrophe
Pikes Peak, named after explorer Zebulon Pike, lost its apostrophe in 1891. That was the year that the newly formed U.S. Board on Geographic Names outlawed this seemingly innocent mark of punctuation: "The possessive form using an 's' is allowed," declared the Board, "but the apostrophe is almost always removed."
Some would be quite happy to broaden the ban on that "morbid growth in English orthography," as linguist Steven Byington characterized the mark. Writing in American Speech in 1945, he observed that "the language would be none the worse for its abolition."
More recently, in an article bluntly titled "Axing the Apostrophe," Adrian Room argues that apostrophes are simply unnecessary. So what, he says, if “we’ll” appears as “well” or “he’ll” as “hell.” Context, he insists, "should soon show which word is meant, and grammatical parameters would make ambiguity unlikely" (English Journal, 1989).
Another knowledgeable opponent of apostrophes (those "uncouth bacilli," in George Bernard Shaw's words) is English teacher Peter Brodie, who also advocates abolition: "they are largely decorative, like the French circumflex, and--unlike the comma--rarely clarify meaning" (English Journal, 1995).
According to my extremely unscientific Google poll, two very different groups are behind the campaign to abolish the apostrophe.
One group is made up of learned individuals such as Dr. Room and Mr. Brodie: pragmatic educators who have apparently decided that trying to enforce the "rules" in the face of the mark's widespread abuse is hardly worth the effort. If the apostrophe has become the Rodney Dangerfield of punctuation marks, it probably deserves no respect and might just as well quietly slip off the keyboard.
If you think that judgment is harsh, consider the view of the other group of abolitionists--those whom we might call the IM crowd. Not only is the apostrophe unnecessary; far worse, it's uncool. Peter Buck, guitarist with the rock band REM, speaks plainly: "We all hate apostrophes. There's never been a good rock album that's had an apostrophe in the title."
(Come on, all together now: Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band!)
Of course, the anti-apostrophe campaign has met with some opposition. There is (or at least was) an American Apostrophe Association operating out of Oregon. And I've written before about The Apostrophe Protection Society in England.
But let's hear what you think: is the apostrophe worth preserving, or is the little squiggle a lost cause? Share your apostrophetic thoughts by clicking on the "comment" button below. Or take a bold stand simply by choosing where to enjoy a cup of coffee--at McDonald's (with apostrophe) or at Starbucks (without).
And if you're not ready to ban the apostrophe just yet, check out Stephen Notley's illustrated version of the rules: Bob's Quick Guide to the Apostrophe, You Idiots (at Bob the Angry Flower Web Site). Or my somewhat gentler page, Guidelines for Using Apostrophes Correctly.
Updates (post comments here):
- Mother o' Mercy, Is This the End of the Apostrophe? (June 2007)
- The Long Campaign to Abolish the Apostrophe (October 2008)