Bring a Water Pistol and Cry for Mommy: How to Take an Essay Exam

Visit just about any jokes site on the Web, and you're likely to run across a well-worn list of "Fifty Ways to Fail an Exam." In that list you'll find exam-taking pointers such as these:

• Come into the exam room wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
• Play frisbee with a friend on the other side of the room.
• Get a copy of the exam and then run out screaming, "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!"

You get the idea. It's the kind of advice that might be imparted by Bluto Blutarsky in the movie Animal House.

Perhaps the funniest thing about the list is the disclaimer that often precedes it: "You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only."

What's not so entertaining is the prospect of actually having to take an essay exam: composing an essay (usually without the aid of a computer) on an assigned topic under strict time limits with your final grade hanging in the balance. That's hardly the ideal writing environment. But it doesn't have to be as stressful and menacing as it sounds.

After you've checked out the jokes, have a look at our Ten Tips for Taking an Essay Exam. But be advised: this list is not meant for entertainment purposes. And you really should attempt these things during an actual exam.